Jihadist Monkeys Added To No-Fly List

Head Muscle Press (14 July 2010) – Just two days after reports that terrorists were training monkeys to be gun wielding jihadists, Janet Napolitano held a press conference to address the new threat. In what was largely heralded as a vain attempt to appear somewhat concerned about our national security, Napolitano announced that all known radicalized jihadist monkeys would be immediately placed on the TSA no-fly list.  “The first thing that we must do is protect our skies from these furry fellons,” Secretary Napolitano announced to assembled press and politicians. “In that light, I am personally directing the TSA to swing into action on this matter.” According to Secretary Napolitano, any monkey that buys a first class one way ticket with cash will be investigated and,  if appropriate, added to the list.

“This should prove to skeptics once and for all that the Secretary is deadly serious about our national security,” an unnamed DHS official noted to HM reporters after the announcement.  “Americans can rest assured that not one innocent life will be taken by flying monkeys on her watch!” Other DHS staff were not so confident however. “This is a pretty big gamble, one TSA official confided. “I mean, we have to be right 100% of the time, but the monkeys only have to be right once…”

According to the new directive, pistol packing primates will be required to either check their weapons with their luggage, or show valid law enforcement credentials to TSA agents at airport security gates.  Other common monkey carry-ons like bananas, cymbals, those little red fezzes, and small termite mounds will be allowed as long as they are sealed in 32 ounce zip lock bags.

In a swift reaction to this new directive, Bobo, the national chairman of CAIR (Chimpanzees Advocating Islamic Revolution), declared that ninety percent of all monkeys were peaceful hard working hominids and that the new DHS policy amounted to nothing less than primate profiling.  He noted that most monkeys would never see, speak, nor hear of such evil, and that CAIR was in talks with the ACLU about possible legal action against DHS.  When Head Muscle reporters tried to press him on the issue however, noting that monkeys could be pretty mean, he became agitated and started throwing his poop.

PETA also spoke up in opposition, stating that the new directive would precipitate a backlash against monkeys around the world.  “It really is tragic,” a PETA spokesperson commented to HM. “Our culture is already full of negative monkey images, and this only adds fuel to the fire.  Just look at what the media has done over the years. First you have King Kong wrecking Manhattan, then King Louie kidnapping Mowgli the man cub, and let’s not even get into the whole Wizard of Oz thing! It should be no surprise to anyone that monkeys are getting kicked off airplanes!”

Charles Bolden of NASA weighed in as well, reminding the world that monkeys actually went into space months before humans, and that we should all be mindful of their contributions to science and culture. “NASA will do everthing in its power to ensure that monkeys around the world know that they are special…even if they have really weird looking butts,” he announced.

Despite all the  criticisms, President Obama released a brief statement noting that the steps taken by Secretary Napolitano, though unfortunate, were absolutely critical to our national security. He also noted that if Bush had addressed the radical monkey issue years ago instead of wasting time in Iraq, the current crisis could have been avoided.

Though no other animal species have stepped up in solidarity with the monkeys, a group of three toed sloths released a statement today urging caution in implementing the new directive.  In their statement they made it clear that, though there are some physical similarities, sloths are ‘xenarthrans’ and not related to primates in any way. The group also noted that sloths are by nature agnostic, and not prone to acts of martyrdom. <<Developing>>

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A Contract on Terror

On January 5, 2010 HM penned a blog entitled High Noon for Obama.  Posted shortly after the underwear bombing fiasco, we noted that the time had come for Sheriff Obama to put politics aside, take the blanks out of his six shooter, step into the dusty street, and show all Americans that he really cared about their security.  We also noted, that if he failed, there would likely be a new sheriff come 2012. Well, it appears as if President Obama has chosen not to heed HM’s sage advice because…well…he doesn’t have any idea that we even exist….but that is still no excuse for his inaction on the home front.  Having learned nothing from the great underwear debacle, he still prattles on about trials in New York City, continues to let Holder pontificate on Miranda Rights, insists on closing Guantanamo, focuses on prosecuting CIA agents, and does nothing to secure one of the most porous borders in the free world.   All told, it appears as if Sheriff Obama has loaded his six gun, stepped into the street, and emptied the cylinder into his foot.

The good news for Obama is that Lady Luck is not a quitter and, with the Times Square incident, she has given our shaky sheriff yet another opportunity to show us what he is made of.   We must not forget that, once again, this attack on the American People failed solely because the bomb did not detonate. Nothing any agency did (or did not do) stopped the plot from playing out.  So, it is more critical than ever for our sheriff to show all would-be terrorists that he is in the street waiting.  The reason for this urgency is quite simple.  Right now, the message that every aspiring bomber is taking away from the Times Square attack is:

“Terrorist be warned, you only have one chance to blow us up, so get your bomb right the first time!”

Instead of deciding that such attacks will be fruitless and rethinking their strategy, terrorists around the world are improving their detonators, rewriting their training courses, and making sure that their operatives know what type of fertilizer to buy. They know from watching the Underwear Bomber and the Times Square Bomber that if they get the bomb right – they are home free. And the sad fact is, the only person that can stick a cactus in the middle of their trail is our reluctant sheriff.  So, in our never ending effort to be proactive, HM has decided to help our derelict defender out one more time with a simple 10 point plan for protecting his town folk.

A Contract on Terror

1. Be intellectually honest with the American People and call Illegal Immigrants what they are – ILLEGAL. When our sheriff refuses to use this word, he sends a message to the bad guys that he really ‘condones’ their actions.  This encourages more illegals to cross over and fuels their sense of entitlement.  By not calling them what they are – Illegal Immigrants – Obama is weakening our laws and putting America and its institutions at risk.  This is not only immoral and opportunistic, it is unconstitutional.  Abraham Lincoln himself noted:

Let reverence for the laws, be breathed by every American mother, to the lisping babe, that prattles on her lap — let it be taught in schools, in seminaries, and in colleges; let it be written in Primers, spelling books, and in Almanacs; — let it be preached from the pulpit, proclaimed in legislative halls, and enforced in courts of justice. And, in short, let it become the political religion of the nation; and let the old and the young, the rich and the poor, the grave and the gay, of all sexes and tongues, and colors and conditions, sacrifice unceasingly upon its altars.
–January 27, 1838

We are a nation of laws, and if we start letting political expediency decide which ones we will enforce, we have destroyed our very foundation.

2. Immediately allocate  unspent ‘stimulus dollars’ to complete the border fence between the US and Mexico. Border Patrol and ICE officers regularly find Korans and prayer blankets in the desert.  To my recollection, the Catholic Church requires neither of these for Mass.  Islamic extremists are using the drug cartels and Mexican gangs to sneak across our border and infiltrate our cities.  This is a known fact in law enforcement, and has been for several years.  By not completing the fence our government is telling us that, when it comes to their constitutional duty to provide for our common defense, they simply do not care.  The sad fact is that one day another terrorist will be successful, and I would not want to be the sitting president when it is discovered that they had crossed the Mexican border to conduct their attack.

3. Take unreasonable restrictions off of the fine men and women of the US Border Patrol. Give them, the tools and rules that they need to properly defend our borders against thugs, drug runners, and sub-humans that shoot innocent American ranchers. We have put them into the field with both hands tied behind their backs. As it stands today, they are out manned and out gunned.

4. Cease all inbound flights from countries that do not meet minimum acceptable airport security standards. On a recent trip to Kuwait I went through three security check points, setting off the metal detectors at each one.  The ‘security’ guards at each gate just waved me through, barely looking up from their magazines. This type of ambivalence is a problem around the world, and nations that do not crack down should be barred from having direct air routes to US cities.

5. Institute the automatic death penalty for anyone convicted of terrorism against the United States of America. Make no exceptions for any reason…citizen or foreign national.  This will not dissuade those already brainwashed into martyrdom, but will send a powerful message to all the wannabe’s out there that, if they do not kill themselves, we will help them finish the job.

6. Send a clear message to our adversaries that, if they sponsor terror on American soil, we will consider it a declaration of war. Obama must also immediately retract his statements on the use of nuclear weapons, especially in response to biological attacks.  The fact that he made this statement in the first place is troubling.  A well placed nuke could kill a few hundred thousand folks, maybe more.  Nuclear devastation, however, would pale in the face of a well coordinated state sponsored biological attack. Such an attack could kill a third (100,000,000) of all Americans. To say that we would not use a nuke to retaliate against such an attack on our people is quite frankly…stupid.

7. Have industry develop a low cost system for scanning 100% of all air cargo transported on passenger airlines. Today, even with the terrorist threat, the vast majority of all air cargo transported on US passenger airlines goes unchecked.  There is no excuse for this gap in security.  Each day that we let our airlines leave the ground full of unchecked cargo, we are gambling with American lives. This is unacceptable and must be stopped.

8. Partner with industry to develop a process for screening 100% of all cargo entering US shipping ports. Though a small percentage of these containers are randomly screened, we largely rely on importers to tell us what they are shipping. The Government Accountability Office reported in December that only about 5% of all inbound shipping containers are scanned at major US ports of entry. Critics say that such a solution will be far too expensive. When I hear this argument I have to wonder what the price of a nuke going of in the Port of Los Angeles would be?  This must be fixed.

9. Appoint a new Director of Homeland Security. We need a hawk in this position, who places security over political correctness.  Ms. Napolitano continues to demonstrate that she is not that person. If you think I am being overly harsh here, let me remind you of three little words:

“The system worked…”

10. Lose the cowboy hat. It makes you look more like a member of the Village People than a sheriff, and it’s only scaring Broke Back Mountain fans.

There you have it Sheriff! Follow these very clear steps and you will establish yourself as the Wyatt Earp of anti-terrorism.  Heck fire,  just pick 5 of them and you will have done better, in many respects, than George Bush!  That should spin yer spurs!  Not only will history label you as the “Homeland Security President,” but you will also be able to hold your head high knowing you have met your constitutional obligations.  This is it Sheriff Obama; you have been handed a second chance!  Get out in that street and show ’em all that we have a real sheriff running this town. The bad guys are over in Pakistan right now improving their bomb designs, and even Lady Luck runs out of aces sooner or later.

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The Death of Responsibility

On January 28, 2010 fifteen year old Aiesha Steward-Baker was brutally beaten and robbed by a group of teens in a Seattle bus tunnel.   Anyone who has watched the news over the past week, has likely seen the horrific video of this young girl being beaten within an inch of her very life as three security guards in reflector vests looked on.   As she was beaten, other members of the assailing group stole her purse, her cell phone, and her i-Pod.  Though the assault of Ms Steward-Baker was most certainly a heinous crime, an equal if not worse offense was the inaction of the “security” guards who witnessed the beating.  How could this possibly happen in a civilized society?  How could grown adults stand by and not physically intervene in such a horrible assault?  How could a group of thugs beat and rob a young girl mere inches from security guards twice their size?  The answer is tragic yet simple:

Responsibility Is Dead

The security guards, defended their lack of action by stating that they were following their directives, but this excuse is nothing but a legalistic veneer covering over a deeper cancer that seems to be emerging in our society – a lack of concern or responsibility for others. It is actually worse than a “lack of concern.” In many cases, we have learned to take sick voyeuristic pleasure in the pain and sufferings of  our fellow man.  It is almost a hobby in our culture these days to watch others go through hardship.

We have “Ultimate Fighters,” not out fighting evil, but beating the hell out of each other in gladiatorial type television events.  We watch shows like  Snapped, Gangland, First 48, Forensic Files, and Lock Up which exploit the very worst elements in our society and, in a perverted way, even dare to celebrate them.  We buy our children video games with names like Resident Evil and Grand Theft Auto which glorify violence and death.   Even more disturbingly, we go to movies like Saw and laugh as we watch people dismember themselves.  Some studies show that, by the time an American child is finished with grade school, they have witnessed over 8,000 murders on television.   We are no longer a society of caring participants, but rather one of desensitized onlookers putting a psychological television screen between us and world.   Instead of getting involved in promoting what is right, and yes I am talking about moral absolutes, we stand aside passively and wait for someone else to fix the problem. It’s not our responsibility.

We cannot solely blame our media and entertainment industries for the death of responsibility however.   It is also due to the growth of secular liberalism, and its companion moral relativism, in our politics and culture.   In a world of “relative”  godless morals after all, who is to say what is right and wrong?  If there is no absolute right and wrong, we are only left with individual choice, and who is to say whether one individual’s choice is better than another’s?  There is not a right and wrong, but rather, “rights and wrongs” each are highly dependent on the circumstance.

In addition to the moral relativism that liberal secularism promotes, there is also a more insidious problem.  Put simply, it is engineered antipathy for others.   In the book Destructive Generation authors David Horowitz and Peter Collier showed how extremists groups like the Weather Underground actively waged war on concepts such as love and responsibility.  In a speech defending his beliefs, Obama’s friend Bill Ayers once said:

“Any notion that people can have responsibility for one person, that they can have that ‘out’ — we have to destroy that notion in order to build a collective; we have to destroy all ‘outs,’ to destroy the notion that people can lean on one person and not be responsible to the entire collective.”

As Jamie Glazov points out in his Front Page Magazine post Hating Valentine’s this concept has been central to revolutionary movements around the world.  The Soviet Union saw concepts of love and marriage as detrimental to the state, and Chairman Mao dressed his disciples in unisex clothing to de-emphasize the individual for the good of the collective. Even Hillary Clinton embraces this collectivist notion in her book, It Takes a Village, when she states:

“Children exist in the world as well as in the family. From the moment they are born, they depend on a host of other “grown-ups” — grandparents, neighbors, teachers, ministers, employers, political leaders, and untold others who touch their lives directly and indirectly. Adults police their streets, monitor the quality of their food, air, and water, produce the programs that appear on their televisions, run the businesses that employ their parents, and write the laws that protect them. Each of us plays a part in every child’s life: It takes a village to raise a child.”

Though it may sound less revolutionary coming from Hillary than Bill Ayers, the concept is the same.  Individual responsibility is somehow subordinate to the role of the state. The parent’s responsibility is deemphasized while the importance of the collective, or village, is highlighted.  So, if your kid runs off and beats up another kid at a bus station, it is not your fault mom and dad! The village failed.

So, not only have we desensitized ourselves to human suffering, but we have also tossed away our moral absolutes and turned in our individual responsibilities for the greater good of the collective.   This is why things like the bus stop beating of Ms. Steward-Baker can take place.  It was not the security guard’s responsibility to stop the fight,  it was the collective’s.  So they put their individual humanity away for “policy”  and watched the movie.  As far as their sense of personal responsibility…game over.

Our nation is great because our founders understood that, with freedom, came great responsibility.   They forged a society based on the premise that every person had certain God given rights and, with those rights, clear cut responsibilities to each other.  It was this sense of responsibility that defeated slavery,  destroyed tyranny in Europe and the Pacific, and sparked the civil rights movement. Today, it still forms the very premise of our Constitution.

So, as you watch the Seattle beating video, look closely at the security guards.  There is no sense of humanity, no sense of personal responsibility, and no sense whatsoever of their duty to their fellow human beings. They have been programmed to believe in their “system” more than the life and safety of a young girl. It is a cancer of the human spirit that strips us of our dignity and leaves us swimming in our own amoral waste. It reduces human beings to nothing more than herd animals, making us far less than our Creator designed us to be.   This beating video, though minor on the scale of great world tragedies, is a warning to us nonetheless. It gives all of us a brief blurry glimpse of a world that none of us want to live in.  But most importantly, it reminds us that good and evil are forces that we control every day of our lives, and that each of us is responsible for the one we choose.

“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”    – Edmund Burke

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The Secret

Matt felt groggy and disoriented as he began to regain consciousness.  The first thing he noticed was a violent freezing wind hitting him in the face like a thousand needles.  It stung badly and made it almost impossible for him to catch his breath. He was extremely light headed, and every cell of his body begged him to slip back into the darkness.  He was lucid enough however, to know that something had gone terribly wrong.  Just a few moments earlier, he had been safely buckled into seat 27D as his flight from London prepared to land in Chicago.  It had been a very smooth flight, and he had spent most of the journey either sleeping or chatting with the very attractive young lady sitting next to him.  She was a sales representative for a British company, and was making her first trip to the US for a sales conference.  She had been quite excited about the trip and had asked him dozens of questions about the city. The last thing Matt remembered before blacking out was telling her where to get the best Italian beef sandwich in town.

As his vision began to clear, he noticed that bright light was pouring into the cabin.  His first thought was that someone had blown a hole in the front of the aircraft but, as he regained his sight, he discovered to his horror that the front of the plane was no longer there.  All he could see through the freezing wind was twisted metal and blue sky.  He also realized that he was no longer looking forward, but rather looking up.  Apparently his Airbus had been severed in two.  His mind began to sharpen as adrenaline surged through his veins. They were free falling vertically.  He looked out the window and saw the unmistakable shape of the Sears Tower jutting out of the ground, but it spun out of sight as quickly as it had appeared. He could not tell if he was upside down or right side up, his heart was beating in his throat, and he felt himself beginning to slip into shock.  He looked to his left across the aisle.  The man and woman sitting there were wide awake, the woman was screaming with her arms stretched out trying to reclaim the infant that had slipped from her grip. The baby was gone however. Matt watched in disbelief as her husband dutifully unbuckled his belt, telling his bride that he would go get their son and be right back.  Almost instantly, he hit the overhead and bounced along  the fuselage until he was sucked outside into the sky. Matt looked helplessly back a the woman.  Her screaming had stopped, and she was sleeping peacefully,  perhaps reunited with her husband and son.

They were very low now and Matt knew that they would be hitting the ground any second.  He looked to his right for the young sales rep.  She was still there, staring forward  and clutching her arm rests. Matt thought that she looked amazingly calm.  Tears were streaming down her face however, with the realization that there was nothing left.  There would be no sales conference, no Chicago, no career,  and no Italian beef with hot peppers.  She turned slowly to look at Matt.  He reached over to her and she grabbed his hand tightly.   He fixed his gaze on her and tried to smile.  “It’s okay,” he reassured her, “it will be fast.”  She smiled and squeezed his hand even tighter. “I hope so,” she whispered back. Matt took a deep breath as he gazed into her face. “What beautiful blue eyes,” he thought to himself, “what beautiful eyes.”

Moments later, news alerts interrupted morning programming across the country.   So far, 10 planes had fallen out of the sky, but there were still others out there. Low on fuel, many of them would have little choice but to continue toward the US mainland.  The Air Force had scrambled F-16 fighters to intercept these aircraft and escort them to military airfields away from populous metropolitan areas.  If the airliners could not or would not comply however, the fighters had orders to shoot them from the sky before they made landfall.

In the span of about 2 hours almost 2,000 innocent people had died violent deaths.  Flights around the world were grounded, airports were closed and evacuated, and daytime curfews were put in place across the US.  In a special address to the American People, from an undisclosed location,  President Obama vowed to find the perpetrators, and bring them to justice.  He also urged Americans everywhere to stay calm.  Later in the afternoon, as anticipated, Al Qaeda released a statement to Al Jazeera News taking responsibility for the attack.  No one had any idea how so much explosive material had been smuggled onto so many planes without detection.  One thing was clear to everyone though, this had been the biggest tragedy since 9/11 and, almost 9 years later, commercial airliners were still the terrorists’ weapon of choice.

In the days following the attack, forensic analysis began to put the picture together.  The explosives had apparently been concealed in shrink wrapped pallets of cargo.  The terrorists had calculated that, since the underwear bomber incident, airline security agencies would be focused on screening random passengers  for concealed weapons and explosives.  They would be far too busy looking for PETN strapped to peoples’ boxer shorts, to worry about checking air cargo. They were right.  Al Qaeda knew that US air carriers transported nearly 12 million pounds of commercial cargo on passenger planes every day,  and almost all of it went completely unchecked. This was the chink in America’s armor that they had been praying for.  It was a huge lapse in security and, sadly enough, one that had been well documented for years.  The fact is, neither  Bush nor Obama had done anything to fix the problem, even though they were well aware of it.  Industry pressure, political correctness, and bureaucratic incompetence had conspired to make the problem ” just too hard.” So, once again, our government had decided to take the politically expedient way out, and play the odds with the lives of innocent American travelers. Reaction to the attack was visceral.  Thousands took to the streets calling for Napolitano’s resignation and a congressional review of  TSA security policy.  America was furious, and rightfully so.  Lawmakers, and security leads hit the airwaves trying to justify their inaction and point the finger elsewhere, but the public would have none of it.  They wanted heads to roll.   Things were bad for Obama as well.  Despite a number of well written impassioned speeches, he had watched his popularity ratings nose dive.  The people were angrier than anyone could remember, and it was about to get much worse.

Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, woke up for morning prayer in his supermax cell.  He swung his feet out of bed and placed them into his slippers.  Still full from dinner the night before, he pushed his breakfast tray toward the wall and unrolled his prayer blanket.  He was still sore around his upper thighs, but the skin grafts he had received compliments of the United States were taking well and starting to cover his wounds.  As he prayed,  he thanked Allah for giving him strength while in American captivity.   Umar had fully expected to die in glorious martyrdom, and when his bomb did not explode properly he was terrified at the thought of what the Americans would do to him.  But they had not water boarded him, or even really interrogated him.  Instead they fixed his wounds, gave him a clean cell and, after an hour of questioning, told him that he had the right to not speak to them anymore if he did not want to.  They even sent him a team of lawyers to ensure that he had a fair trial.  He could not believe what they told him at their first meeting.   As he lay in his hospital bed with his wounds from the underwear bomb still burning, they explained to him that he was innocent until proven guilty. This had truly amazed him.

Umar continued to pray, thanking Allah for these men, for his chance to serve, and for not being sent to Guantanamo.  When he had heard of the airline attacks from his lawyers a few days earlier,  it was as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He had done his job, and no longer needed to keep the secret.  His Christmas day bombing attempt had been little more than a diversion.  It had been carefully designed to draw American attention away from the bigger mission, and it had worked perfectly.  Thousands of infidels were now dead, and he was a hero.  Umar got up from the floor and looked around the room.  The sun was coming through his small cell window and he felt better than he had in weeks. He felt proud.  He could now tell the world how he had fooled them all.  Perhaps he would do it at his trial when all the cameras were rolling.  Perhaps they would even find him not guilty!  He picked up his breakfast tray and took a big bite of his toast. He was hungry after all, and no one made breakfast like the Americans.

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High Noon for President Obama

This afternoon President Obama met with his national security and law enforcement leads to determine what steps were necessary to ensure the security of our air transportation system.  Shortly after this meeting, he made his long anticipated statement to the American people.   After being delayed by yet another airport scare he walked out to the podium and spoke. The gist of his statement was simple:

“We did not connect the dots, our intelligence system failed, and I am going to fix it – quickly.”

He then informed viewers that he had directed his leads to conduct a full analysis of what must be done and report their findings to him later this week. He was somber, took no questions, and walked away immediately after making his statement. He looked focused and determined.

We commend our Commander-in-Chief for taking responsibility for the failures that led up to the 12/25 attack, and we truly wish him success. Succeed or fail however, this incident amounts to nothing less than a “High Noon” moment for our new President.  Americans want to have a reasonable assurance of security when traveling, and they clearly expect Obama to take immediate and decisive action.  It is now his turn to stand alone in the street without any political finger pointing, and show the American People that he has the brass to take on the bad guys.  Americans, once again, have terrorism on their top ten lists and they have traditionally been wary of the Democrat Party’s resolve to deal with it.  This is, simply put, Obama’s first public showdown with Osama the Kid….and he better win.

While Head Muscle clearly does not support many of President Obama’s policies, this is one instance that we are truly rooting for him. Not because we like him or think he is a good President, but because our national security, economy, and personal safety are all at stake.  The good news is that, this afternoon, he stood before his townspeople like a good sheriff and owned up to the task at hand. That being said however,  there are real signs that Obama is not stepping out into the street with a fully loaded gun:

Alleged-Terrorist -During Obama’s address this afternoon he once again referred to the Detroit bomber as an “alleged-terrorist.”  Now, let’s see…he was trained by Al Qaeda to ignite explosives hidden in his underwear on a commercial airliner. Using this same logic, Adolf Hitler is only an alleged-mass murderer. After all, he never really had his day in court. Employing this type of political correctness in the face of such a blatant threat, is tantamount to loading your six shooter with blanks. The way you win a shootout is to call your enemy out into the street by name, look him in the eye, and shoot him down in full view of all onlookers. This not only relieves you of any future threat from him, it also sends a clear message to all other potential villains that you plan to do the same to them.   By hesitating to call terrorists what they are, Obama is stepping out into the street and then asking his opponent for confirmation that he is really a bad guy prior to shooting.  The result – an exploding aircraft.

The word “alleged” also implies that anyone engaged in terror against the US will be afforded the very same legal due process that US Citizens are entitled to.  This emboldens the villain, because he knows that he can shoot the sheriff in cold blood and still have a chance at freedom. Instead of certain death as a consequence for blowing up an airliner, maybe he will get a mistrial and walk!  You can almost hear them talking together in their hideout.  “No Abdul, don’t kill people in Chechnya, the Russians will just execute you if you are caught. Kill people in America.  If they catch you they will just send you to Chicago.” Sheriff Obama needs to make it clear that he is shooting to kill. This is the only thing that the townspeople, and the bad guys, will respect.  Anything else will be perceived as weakness.

Al Qaeda Extremists – After eight years of battling Al Qaeda and watching these wretched sub-human scum balls kill innocents from Indonesia to Spain, our Commander-in-Chief  still calls them “extremists.”  By doing this, he not only cheapens the global crusade against terror, he also makes terrorists morally equivalent to other extremists groups like the Sierra Club, PETA, Green Peace and, dare I say,  conservative Christians. Certainly every religion has extremists…what is the big deal? It is a subtle erosion of the truth that, over time, causes everyone to forget what the threat really is. If our sheriff is going to protect the townspeople, he needs to be clear about who he is fighting. In this case it is Osama the Kid, a murderin’ varmint that got spit onto Earth right out of Hell itself, not an “extremist.” If Obama is going to fight the good fight, he needs to start using the right words and show Americans that he knows who the enemy is.

Napolitano Still Employed – This is perhaps the biggest travesty of all.  Janet Napolitano makes Gabby Hayes look like Clint Eastwood. Any sheriff knows that, if he is going to survive the shootout, he will need a good deputy watching the rooftops. When Deputy Napolitano spots a sniper on the saloon roof however, she waits for the bartender to shoot him and then pats her team on the back for having such a good system.  This is gross incompetence of the highest order, and Obama needs to send a signal to the rest of his posse that this type of bureaucratic ineptitude will no longer be tolerated. The fact that he has not already replaced her, makes him appear to be more concerned with his cabinet’s welfare than the American People’s.

Still no Profiling – Obama also noted in his statement that he directed more immediate security measures be put in place. There would be immediate increases in bomb sensors, police dogs, baggage checks, and pat downs. Additionally, over the last few days the news has been filled with stories of the airlines banning carry-on bags, blankets, and even reading material.   The flaw with this type of thinking is that it centers its focus on the weapon and not the person.   In order for the sheriff to do his job, he must know what the bad guy looks like.  We all know that western villains wear black hats, have thin mustaches, and dark beady eyes.  If our sheriff went around picking people at random and calling them into the street for justice, he would never find his nemesis.  How stupid our sheriff would look standing 20 paces away from a little old lady in a wheelchair.  Sound foolish?  Well it is. Unfortunately that is the approach that has been mandated in our nation’s airports.  History shows us that people who blow up airplanes are typically Muslim men between the ages of 18 and 35.  They buy one-way tickets with cash the day of the flight, and seldom have any luggage.   Why then do we stop the little old lady and frisk her?  Are we that stupid?  No, we are just terrified of being accused of racial discrimination by the ACLU crowd.  In reality, there is a difference between racial profiling and looking for terrorists.   Our politicians, however, have simply not been able to  cross that cognitive channel.  In their minds it is actually better to lose 300 people on an airplane than be accused of discrimination and, based on Obama’s comments, we have no reasonable expectation that this will change anytime soon.

So, here we are at high noon. Our hero has a chance to load his gun, call the bad guy into the street, shoot him dead in front of all the townspeople, and establish himself as the Wyatt Earp of airline security.   It is now 11:59AM and all the town is wondering what he will do.  They want the bad guy who has been terrorizing them dead, and they are demanding that the sheriff take care of business.  If he does, it will establish him as a worthy peacekeeper. If he does not, the townspeople will likely start looking for a new sheriff in 2012. Make no mistake, this is Obama’s defining moment. Perhaps it is even more defining than health care. This is the infamous first term test that we have heard so much about in the news. The streets are empty in anticipation of the fight, and curious eyes peek out from behind every curtain and sash. The town holds its collective breath as the courthouse clock begins to chime…one…two…three…four…

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