Wisconsin Couple Still Not Sexually Harassed

Head Muscle Press (3 November, 2011) – Head Muscle has learned that Mr. Harold Nodderman from Bayfield Wisconsin and his wife Elma are offended that they have yet to be sexually harassed by a politician. “It really is disappointing,” Nodderman told Head Muscle in an exclusive interview. “With all the harassment going on these days, it is not fair that we are being left out…it’s discrimination at its very worst.”  According to Mr. Nodderman neither he nor his wife have received a single inappropriate sexual remark from either party, and they are starting to lose their patience. “Ever since Politico broke the big story on Herman Cain, we have been anxiously awaiting some type of offensive remark from someone…anyone,” Nodderman explained. “Elma has been sitting by the phone for the last three days and is really frustrated. I am not sure how much longer she can wait.”  A complete transcript of our interview with Mr. Nodderman follows:

HM: So, Mr. Nodderman I am curious, why are you “disappointed” that no one has sexually harassed you?

Nodd: Well first of all I am a taxpayer, and if my political leaders are going to spend my money being sexually inappropriate, by God I want my share!

HM: (Pausing) I see…so you are feeling cheated?

Nodd: (Angrily) You’re darn tootin’ we do! We work until May of every year to just pay our taxes and Mr. Obama is asking us to pay even more.  It seems like the least that they could do is give us a naughty call!

HM: (Curiously) So you want your money’s worth…of harassment.

Nodd: Look, I would rather have more jobs, a better economy, real tax reform,  a home that is worth something, and gasoline below four dollars a gallon but none of that seems to be in the works…so we will take a little inappropriate sexy talk.

HM: (Bewildered)  Okay, but wouldn’t that be demeaning and insulting?

Nodd: (Rolling eyes) Ya think?  You know it is called sexual “harassment…”

HM: (Confused) But why would you want to be sexually harassed?

Nodd: (Exasperated) Have you not watched the news even once since Bill Clinton was elected? There is big money in being harassed! Book deals…the works!  I figure I can even get Elma on The View if it is bad enough. She would love that…

HM: The View?

Nodd: (Leaning forward and whispering) I would take something simple like a heavy breathing call from Biden or Weiner in a pinch, but we would really prefer something from the GOP.

HM:  Why the GOP?

Nodd: Well they just seem…kinda…you know…safer.

HM: (Lost) Sorry, but I don’t understand.

Nodd: Well you know…when they’re inappropriate, they don’t really mean it.  Most of the time they are just trying to be nice to someone with an agenda, and before they know it the press is off and running. Elma thinks Mitt is cute too. I mean how freaky could he be…really.  But the Dems…oh man….they’re kind of scary.

HM: What do you mean by “scary?”

Nodd: (Sighing heavily) C’mon….Barney Frank!  Really?

HM: (Nodding) Okay, I think I am following.

Nodd: I mean he just might show up at the door one evening with a jug of body oil or something…(shivers) spooky. You just can’t tell with them…

HM: I see.

Nodd: (Shrugging indifferently) Well…it doesn’t really matter anyway.  I have a back-up plan.

HM: (Curiously) Oh really? What might that be?

Nodd: Well I figure that I will just have Elna call Politico and tell them that Herman harassed her too. That should at least get her on Anderson Cooper.

HM: (Appauled) But it would be a lie!

Nodd: Of course it would be, but based on the latest allegations against Herman Cain, proof does not seem to be a requirement for the press…hey you think we would get to meet Arianna Huffington? She’s smokin’ hot….mmmmm….mmmmm!

HM: Well that seems a bit inappropriate to say…

Nodd: (Laughing) Yeah well, someone needs to teach you the difference between harassment and sarcasm…

With that, the phone rang and our Head Muscle correspondent was forced to conclude the interview prematurely.  We had many more questions for Mr. Nodderman but apparently John Edwards had called to moan and pant.

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The Power of Belief

In the latest Fox News Poll Herman Cain has surged to the number one position, and he is even starting to edge in front of the GOP’s favorite son Mitt Romney in Iowa.  Now just a few weeks ago, this scenario would have been inconceivable to almost everyone…except maybe Herman.

There are many things that fascinate me about the Cain phenomena. He is frank, clear on his positions, firm in his refusal to take cheap shots at his opponents, and an electrifying speaker. He is fresh, non-political, and genuinely honest about areas in which he will need to develop his expertise.  As refreshing as all this is however, it is his “belief” in the possible that is most fascinating.

Herman Cain truly believes that he can be President of the United States of America! Even though the odds have been strongly stacked against him, he has remained steadfastly in the fight, winking wryly at all his detractors. He has a vision for this nation and truly believes that he can beat the odds and win!

Now some people may confuse this belief with ego.  Yes…I am sure Mr. Cain is an extremely confident person and requires little self-esteem counseling, but what we see in him is not the typical self-promoting narcissism of the average politician. To the contrary, it is a genuine, almost selfless, belief in America.

When I look at the other candidates I am overwhelmed with the impression that they feel that they “should” be President.  When I listen to Romney I hear a smoothly polished politician who sees the White House as his next achievement.  It is almost as if he is more focused on the office than the objective. To the contrary, when I look at Cain I see a certain innocent, yet determined, optimism that I have not seen since Ronald Reagan.  It is an optimism unblemished by years of political gamesmanship and compromise.  It is the look of someone who sees the Presidency as the means…not the ends.  He is not being driven by an office, but by a vision for America – and it is powerful.

Like Reagan, Cain believes in the boundless potential of our nation and its people, and this is what is driving him forward against the odds.  He is not bound by the limitations and labels that others have placed upon him, and the American people are taking notice by the millions.  Make no mistake, Herman Cain is not surging in the polls because he is perfect. He is rising is the polls because he truly believes in what “we the people” can do..not the government, and this belief is giving Americans a new type of hope – hope in themselves.

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