HEAD MUSCLE PRESS (November 21) For the first time since his election, President Barack Obama sat down with Fox News Senior White House Correspondent Major Garrett for a 10 minute interview earlier this week. Over the course of the brief interview Obama talked about GM, health care, Sara Palin’s book, and the economy. In his remarks on the economy the President noted:
“I think it is important though to recognize that if we keep on adding to the debt, even in the midst of this recovery, that at some point, people could lose confidence in the US economy in a way that could actually lead to a double-dip recession.”
This specific statement intrigued HM Press because, by many estimates, the Obama Administration budget doubles the public national debt to over 15 trillion dollars. In an effort to get further clarification on his comment to Fox News, HM Press cornered one of Obama’s staff members in line at the Pennsylvania Avenue Starbucks and pressed the issue. On condition of strict anonymity, and because he was not about to give up his place in line, the Obama staffer agreed to a quick interview. The transcript follows:
HM: So, did you see the Fox News interview with Obama?
Staffer: Absolutely. Obama was really at his finest.
HM: So – at one point Major Garrett asked Obama about the economy, and he stated that he was concerned about the national debt. Do you recall this statement?
Staffer: Yes, I think he was being very truthful and candid.
HM: OK, well the reason we tracked you down was that we found this statement very confusing since his budget almost doubles the national debt. Given the facts, isn’t his “concern” for the debt a bit disingenuous?
Staffer: Not at all. The fact is Obama has told us privately that he is very concerned about his decision making to date and that, quite frankly, he is frightened to think about what he may do next.
HM: (pausing to absorb) Let me see if I understand what you are saying. You mean Obama is scared of his own policy?
Staffer: Certainly so. I mean just look at what he has done since coming into office. Not only has he doubled the national debt, he has given the UAW free reign over GM, crippled our forces in Afghanistan, promoted an economy stifling Cap-and-Trade plan, alienated Israel, pissed off his Gay constituency, dismissed his military commanders, driven up unemployment, and is currently in the process of destroying one sixth of the American economy with a nationalized health care plan. I mean, what right minded person would not be a bit apprehensive about what is next?
HM: But Obama is President of the United States of America. He is supposed to be a confident and capable leader who bases all of his policy decisions on the best interests of the American people. Is this not the case?
Staffer: Well, that is his point exactly. By stating his concern over his own economy-breaking far left policies, he is showing how centrist and even-handed he can be. And believe me, this is not an act. Even though he may not show it, in private, Obama is quite frightened by his own policies. Sometimes he really pisses himself off. Why I remember once, we heard all this yelling in the Oval Office. Given the yelling we just assumed Hillary was in there with him but, when we walked in, he was alone. He was looking kind of tense, so I asked him if everything was OK. He said yes, but that he was really irritated over what he was about to do the the economy and was really fighting it. He asked me to stay and take a transcript of the argument, so I sat in there for three more hours watching him duke it out with himself. It was an awesome display of his determination not to let himself screw things up any worse.
HM: (surprised) This is an amazing statement you are making. Do you actually mean to say that our Commander-in-Chief cannot control his own actions? That sounds incredibly dangerous.
Staffer: Well it is not that he cannot control his own actions. It is more like he is being controlled.
HM: Controlled by whom?
Staffer: Well come on now, isn’t it obvious?
HM: No. Who is controlling him?
Staffer: Why the Bush Administration! Who else?
HM: How on Earth are they controlling the President of the United States? They are not even in office anymore.
Staffer: Well first off, they have boxed Obama in by taking all of the good ideas. How is Obama supposed to have any of his own? I mean, sure he could do things that were good for our country, promoted commerce, protected individual freedom, and kept us strong and feared by our enemies, but then he would be a Republican wouldn’t he? They have really given him no choice! Think about it, wouldn’t it be nice if just once in a while Democrats could have the good ideas? It really is unfair. He hates the position he is in, but he really has no choice if he wants to be a stand-out Democrat leader.
HM: So let me get this straight. Obama is doing everything wrong because he wants to be different from the Bush Administration and…
Staffer: It really tears him up, but he has no choice.
HM: Why doesn’t he have a choice.
Staffer: (rolling his eyes): Well it is common knowledge that Dick Cheney has put a mind control substance in the the White House water. It is really an insidious plot that the right has perpetrated here.
HM: This is a spectacular revelation about our President! Should we be concerned about his mental health?
Staffer: Oh no. He is really solid. He understands that this is going on and he is fighting it with every ounce of bodily essence. That is why he has come out publicly and stated that he is so concerned about his debt increasing policies. And make no mistake, he knows who is adversaries are and he will beat them, especially the evil celestial queen that seeks to remove his soul.
HM: And that would be….
Staffer: Why Sarah Palin of course!
At this point our anonymous staffer got his grande caramel mocha latte with sprinkles, and departed quickly for the White House. At the end of the interview HM is more perplexed than ever. We will continue to follow Obama’s fight against his own policies, and truly wish him the best in his struggle. In the meantime, it appears we can all blame the Bush Administration for this crisis.